Health

Why Doesn’t My Husband Change His Will To Protect My Child And Me?


My husband is a little older than me. Before we met, he didn’t want to get married, so he made a will leaving his house and all his assets to his sister. The house is our home now, and I’m happy to announce that everything is going very well. We had a baby last year! I never worried about his wishes before our daughter was born, but now I fear if something happens to my husband, me and my daughter will lose our home. I raised this topic with him a few times. He agrees that his will should be updated, but it never seems to happen. Obviously, this is a sensitive issue. Any advice?

WIFE

One of the best tricks our mind plays with us (quite reliably) is to keep our looming mortality at a polite distance from our daily lives. For example, you never hear someone say, “Why buy these cute boots? In the end we all die.” But wills are exactly about our deaths. So, for some people, making them is complicated.

I will not ask your husband to amend his will (for now). He knows he should do it, even when he’s dragging his feet. You can explore his reluctance, but I’ll offer another way: Tell your husband that you want to make a will of reciprocity, in which you leave everything to him, and he leaves it to you. everything back to you. This may feel less attention-grabbing than just focusing on his death. You’ll also need a will, and this way you can schedule an appointment with an attorney.

Even better – and I’ve found this approach to work – each can stipulate that your daughter is the ultimate beneficiary of your estate and name a guardian for her in case She was orphaned when she was young. (Fun, right?) For you legal eagle: I omitted the matrimonial election to allow surviving spouses to make claims against the estates, because there is an inheritance Wish and always update it is the best plan.

My cousin’s son is getting married. My sister and I were invited to the wedding. Her two adult sons were also invited; My adult son does not. My sister and I are close to my cousin so I don’t understand why my son was disqualified. I feel hurt and insulted so I won’t go to the wedding. I also chose not to confront my cousin because I didn’t want him to invite my son out of the guilt. Everyone I spoke to agreed with me. Your thoughts?

COUSIN

I’m glad everyone agrees with you. That might make my disagreement less confusing. I never like hearing stories of people feeling hurt or excluded, but your reaction seems self-defeating. This wedding is not about you (or your cousin). You don’t even mention the bridal couple, your son’s feelings, or who the wedding planner is. (They make a guest list!)

Instead, you blow up your decision to keep the complaint to yourself (excluding everyone who agrees with you and a newspaper). But is talking to your “closer” cousin a gentler way to correct an accidental omission or to understand the constraints of the guest list? With that said, your plan is only you.

I noticed that a former colleague posted a creative project on his website. He is treating it as his work without any other credit. The point is that I came up with the idea and started implementing it from start to finish. He has nothing to do with it. He came up with a vaguely relevant idea, but the company chose my idea over his. And I brought it to life. It’s still there, though, sitting on his website. Should I speak up or let karma sort things out?

EMPLOYEES

Your ex-coworker is stealing from you by falsely claiming your work is his own – even if neither of you technically owns the product for the employer. Don’t wait for someone to tear you apart!

Write to your former colleague. Trying to be a lot more friendly than you would a pickpocket on the subway. (To me, this isn’t an honest mistake; people know what they’ve made.) Tell him you’re in trouble when he’s claiming your work is his own. him and asked him to remove it from his website. Warn him that if he fails to do so, you will contact his employer about his unethical behavior.

My 12-year-old son watched “Extraordinary Lawyer Woo” on Netflix. Twice, I walked into the room while he was watching it and noticed that he was in tears. He’s normally a happy kid. Do you think I should be worried?

MOM

Because your son was touched by a TV show? Nothing! I watched a few episodes in his honor. It’s a heartwarming legal proceeding about a young woman with autism learning to make friends – and win court cases – in a new environment. (Courtroom aside, isn’t that the crux of middle school?) I would encourage his interest. After dinner, ask him what he thinks about the show and his favorite characters.


For help with your dilemma, send a question to SocialQ@nytimes.com, to Philip Galanes on Facebook or @SocialQPhilip on Twitter.





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